When You Realize Your Parents Are Human—and Why It Matters

Parents are human too—simply human. Let’s unpack this a bit.

Like all humankind, parents make mistakes. They don’t know everything, even if it sometimes feels like they should. They’re figuring out life just as we, their children, are. They’re a product of their own upbringing and environment, just like you. They need rules and principles to create stability, just like you. They can protect us, but they can also cause harm—just like any other human in our lives.

Yet, so many of us have grown up placing the expectation of “Perfect like God” on our parents. Society, culture, and even religion can subtly (or not-so-subtly) encourage us to idolize them. But when we let go of that expectation, we can break a HUGE stronghold in our lives.

It’s time to acknowledge the conflicting messages about “good parenting.” Parents might say, “I know what’s best for you,” but they are, at the end of the day, simply human. They may insist, “I would never hurt you,” but… humans hurt each other all the time. Maybe they didn’t love you the way you needed. Maybe their choices caused harm. That’s humanity—flawed, imperfect, and trying its best with the limited knowledge and tools available.

Humans Are Complex

Humans love, but we can also love in harmful ways. We care, but we’re selfish beings. We know plenty, but only God knows all. When you realize that your parents are human, it becomes clear how their choices—like everyone else’s—can be full of missteps and mistakes.

Have you been looking at your parents like they’re perfect beings? Some people even place their parents above God. There’s danger in that. Parents are simply another complex connection in our lives that we have to engage with intentionally and with wisdom.

Reclaiming Your Power

It’s not your fault if you’ve been seeing your parents this way (whew—another post for another day!), but it’s time to reconsider. It’s time to reclaim the power you may have been unintentionally giving to people who are simply human. That power belongs to you and, ultimately, to God. Maybe it’s time to shift how you engage with this particular set of humans in your life.

Healing Beyond Blame

Staying stuck in “hate” or “blame” for the hurts we’ve experienced can slow our journey toward healing and growth. For some, acknowledging the pain caused by their parents feels impossible because they love them deeply and want to believe their parents are perfect.

This love creates a conflict—they avoid acknowledging the wounds because they fear it will change how they see their parents or that it will feel like they’re rejecting them. It can feel like a betrayal to even consider that their parents might have hurt them, and the fear of losing the closeness or the idealized view of the relationship can keep them stuck in silence. I understand how hard that can be.

On the other hand, some may feel so deeply hurt or shocked by the ways their parents have caused harm that they can’t move beyond the blame and anger. They may feel trapped in those intense emotions—unable to move past the shock, hurt, and disbelief that their parents, people they trusted, could inflict such pain. The sense of betrayal can feel overwhelming, and in that space, it can be difficult to imagine any way forward without holding onto that anger. I understand that too.

For both groups, it’s important to recognize that healing doesn’t mean excusing the harm or erasing the pain. It doesn’t mean denying the reality of what happened or pretending it didn’t matter. But healing requires a shift: acknowledging the wounds, processing the pain, and, ultimately, reclaiming your own sense of power and peace.

Letting go of the blame and anger doesn’t mean forgiving immediately or forgetting—it simply means freeing yourself from the hold that those emotions have over your life so you can start moving forward.

Therapy as a Tool for Healing

Recognizing the humanity in your parents—seeing them as imperfect beings—can create space for healing. It allows you to hold the truth of the pain they caused while also giving yourself permission to heal, to move beyond the hurt, and to reclaim your life. You don’t have to carry this burden forever.

Therapy can be an incredible tool for navigating these complicated emotions. Whether you’re struggling to confront the hurt because you want to protect your relationship with your parents, or you’re overwhelmed by the intensity of your pain and anger, a therapist can guide you through the process. Healing doesn’t require erasing the past; it requires understanding it, working through it, and ultimately finding peace in a way that works for you.

I specialize in helping people navigate these complexities, and I’m here to guide you on your healing journey.

Letter to my Immigrant Parents

Dear Mommy and Daddy ( Plural), 

We’re writing this letter as an open plea to you.  We know you won’t be happy, in fact you may be feel hurt, lost, misunderstood, even angry after you read this, and that’s ok. We hope that we can sit in those feelings along with ours and work through it together, because We love you and We really want us to fix it. We know we can, if only we can talk about it, and you would really listen to us.

 Your children are hurting and have so many emotional wounds from feeling unheard, dismissed, unloved, unappreciated, misunderstood, far too many times without acknowledgment from you about what’s happening. We’ve normalized the pain over the years, we’ve laughed it away in a joke, we’ve found other people that we go to instead for the “important things.” We’ve silenced ourselves around you so many times, and we’ve grown really, really strong, so strong that you don’t even realize what you did… what you’re doing… and how we’re still carrying it, and it’s still hurting.

That time that We told you We were struggling, and before We could confide in you more, you already told us 5 things we were doing wrong. The moment you made that joke about Our body, something We had been struggling with, and when We tried to tell you it hurt, you dismissed Our feelings, telling us we were being too sensitive. Those times when you couldn’t even sit to listen to our dreams and hopes, our fears, because they weren’t what you imagined for us… all of it left scars. 

And We know you would never want to hurt us. That’s not the point of this letter. It’s not to dismiss all the great things you’ve done and the sacrifices you’ve made or even assume intentionality. It’s simply to share about your impact. It’s to say we need something different from you. 

It’s a big ask, We know. It’s more work , We know. It may feel foreign, even uncomfortable. But We hope you can pause just a bit more. Ask us if we’re ok and actually LET us tell you what we’re thinking, feeling, and dealing with without assuming you know or telling us it’s not a big deal( we know it may feel small in your world, but it’s really big in ours). Take ownership of how you react to things. We’re not bulletproof. Notice our body language a bit more. You’ve trained us to really value your words but that’s also a double edged sword because it makes them carry even more weight; be careful what you say. 

You’re human, and so are we. We need nurturing just as much as discipline. We know you’re not perfect. It’s even more frustrating when you can’t admit it. As long as we see you trying, we can give some grace. We just need to feel like we matter. You don’t need to respond to this until you feel you are able to really listen… then please let’s talk. It’s also ok if you never respond as long as you heard me…Let’s start from somewhere. 

We love you.

Sincerely, 

Your Immigrant Children